Living on a perpetual pendulum these days

Hey ho, it's another Monday and I'm back at my desk again. But of course its at best 3 of such Mondays reporting to ELIS to go, so it's not that bad ;)

Emotionally, the past weekend was filled with worry, uncertainty, regrets, sluggishness, lack of interest in anything much, period. To my regret, I didnt even complete a single book! That is really really rare for me over a weekend, and quite disappointing as well!

But activity wise, I didn't waste the whole weekend away at least. Together with hubby, we accompanied MIL for CNY shopping at Bugis to buy dried goods, went to the temple, had nice popiah, visited his uncle, picked MIL from office on Sunday and had dinner 2 nights in a row at Boon Lay. Not too bad on the whole I think, certainly did my part on the family side.

Last but not least, I certainly did something major.... I submitted my application for teaching!! Haha Herein lies the reason behind the blog title, I have been thinking teaching (yes, i should... NO, i shouldnt...) every 2 minutes these days. It's perpetually on my mind. Honestly I am not certain if I can really do it, even Melvin is dubious. Geraldine and KS's determination to be rid of the profession, amongst many others, certainly weighed me down by ALOT. Can I really do it?!?!

But what I wrote in my application is true - I have truly come to accept Marketing is not my cup of tea, in terms of actual skills capability and personal interest for that matter. I want to do something different for a change, this part rings true as well. And something meaningful? I have yet to admit them to myself aloud but I suspect that is probably the right direction for me too. I am also afraid I am partly leaning heavily on teaching because I dont know what else I can do either! Do as in excel and fly high! It's quite sad if I'm still lumbering in limbo at 30... Sigh!

Well the final conclusion is - just apply and do it then! If for nothing else, at least find out once and for all if I can do well as a teacher, or *gasp* Not... But financial commitments are REAL! Thus the bottomline remains, I cannot afford to take a pay cut on a job that will be physically and emotionally draining, yet not even meeting my physical needs, does not allow me to survive month to month or save anything. That would not be a good balance, and it will only serve to make me hate my job later on!

Wish me luck! And I pray to God this is somehow the route I was meant to take afterall. If not, I am truly, good for nothing in worklife?!

Reading progress catch up!

I have begun to realise the intense reading, as fun and amazing as it has been, I am beginning to muddle up my storybook characters quite a bit at times.

Before I grow any more befuddled and mix up all my characters (which would do the amazing authors great injustice), I want to take a few minutes to remember the books I've read, the hero & heroine of each story and any small bits I can recall. Not to torture myself too much, I'll just begin from where my last blog post tagged Reading let off.

• Dancing at Midnight by Julia Quinn

Baron John Blackwood & ady Arabella 'Belle' Blydon

- Super honeysuckle sweet, I heartily concur with a review on GR that I love you so much I cant do without you sentiment was prevalent in every other para. Belle won over the cynical Lord Blackwood living in the country estate, a jaded ex-army officer who walked with a limp, they fall in love, finally admit to their feelings (a tough step to overcome for John who lacked self confidence) and they had to escape the murderous revenge intents of John's former bff who tried to endanger their lives.

Verdict: a little too sweet for my liking...

Would I want to buy and keep this book forever: Nope

Would I read more books from this author: Honestly, I cant help but have a little seed of doubt to tackle more books from Ms Quinn. I am not so sure... Willing to give it another chance if I come across a good story I guess, but definitely wouldn't be an author that I would readily buy to keep.

***

• The Secret Duke by Jo Beverley

Captain Rose, 'Thorn', Duke of Itorne & Bella Barstowe, daughter of a country magistrate

Some hints of a Cinderella story, Bella who was severely neglected by her family, stern straitlaced father and then a devil gambler brother. Thorn, a duke by day and most of the time, but who indulges in fleeting escapes as Captain Rose, a break from his ducal duties that weight him down. Some peripheral characters - Rothgar 'Dark Marquess', Christian & Robin, his cousin and bestie, 3 cute cats... I love the way Thorn is always there to save Bella again and again, and how Bella is able to show such epic understanding for the reasons why they can't marry. One memorable part I vaguely recall was Bella who understood Thorn's difficulties because sometimes they were ironically trapped by the masks and disguises they were potraying.

Verdict: sweet and nice book! I love the scenes between the leads, and learning about their feelings and emotional turmoil as they despaired over their social standings that forbade a marriage. I didnt really like the Lady Fowler bits though, dull and tedious.

Would I want to buy and keep this book forever: Initially I thought no, but thinking back, I did enjoy the book a lot. So I am on the fence on this. Perhaps NO for now for the virtue of being thrify. *sigh*

Would I read more books from this author: Yes, for sure. Jo Beverley remains 1 of my fav authors!

***

• After the Kiss by Suzanne Enoch

Mr Sullivan Warring & Lady Isabel Chalsey

Hero Sullivan is the bastard son of a marquis, survivor from the army with an amazing touch with horses that made him into a very successful and respected horse breeder, popular with the Ton. Sullivan is also the Mayfair Marauder, who breaks into the homes of the nobility, to steal paintings by Frances W Perris, his mother, who was a painter before she died. Her paintings which were his precious memories from his mother, were cruelly given away by his father to selected members of the ton. Isabel or Bella, is the treasured and sheltered daughter from a loving family of another fellow Marquis, with 2 other brothers Phillip (heir) and Douglas (likeable brother). She caught him breaking into her home, was seduced by a kiss and a chance encounter enabled her to ink a deal, for Sullivan to sell and personally break a mare for Bella as well as teach her to ride. His patient and sensitive character soon won Isabel over, of course further propelled by their hot kisses and strong mutual physical attraction. Lotsa trials and tribulations await the pair, but alls well ends well of course. :)

Verdict: Slow to warm up but a great read to end off. I love the second half of the book, I am glad the heroine turned out to be a strong lady with determination, some spunk and character and not a spoilt Lady who cared so much about dancing. LOL

Would I want to buy and keep this book forever: I don't think so, but I would borrow it from the library to have another read again in the future.

Would I read more books from this author: Yes!

***

• Never Dare a Duke by Gayle Callen

Christopher, Duke of Madingley & Abigail Shaw

Abigail Shaw, commoner from the working class, journalist daughter of a father who owns a righteous but flailing newspaper Morning Journal. Their newspaper is her father's lifetime efforts and speaks up for a good cause to bring awareness in areas that needs the society to draw their attention upon. Abigail gets the bright idea to hunt a juicy piece of scandal from the Ton (juicy gossips bring in viewership and sales). In comes her prey... Christopher, Duke of Madingley, temperamental boy in his adolescence, who struggled to maintain the perfect public image in order to repair the damage to his and his family's reputation (already taken a beating from his father's scandalous marriage to his Spanish commoner mother) from a great previous scandal - he having beaten another boy in college that left the victim paralysed. The pair meet at a matchmaking party at the duke's country residence, at the engineering of the duchess (his mom) which Abigail's bestie Gwen, daughter of an earl decides to bring Abigail to attend so she could gather evidence for her all important big article. Naturally love blossoms for the pair under the same roof, and all else is history...

Verdict: Nice to read, with a great promising plot but somehow it wasnt the most memorable book for me. I felt Christopher's childhood scandal was perhaps over-dramatised but nevertheless I have a great weakness for vulnerable heroes who need to be rescued and loved! Aww...

Would I want to buy and keep this book forever: Nope

Would I read more books from this author: Probably

***

• Surrender to the Devil by Lorraine Heath

Sterling Mabry of reystone & Frannie Darling

Loved, LOVE, still LOVE this book!

Straight laced Duke of Greystone, newly returned from his travels around the world to resume his ducal duties following the recent demise of his father, meets Miss Frannie Darling, close buddy of his brother in law, Luke or Earl of Claybourne. Hero falls in love with Frannie against his better judgement. There was intense attraction from the first time they met at his sister's wedding, but genuine feelings for each other soon followed, especially for our hero Sterling, who was humbled again and again by Frannie who remains ever positive, selfless and giving despite her difficult childhood (child from the streets who picked pockets and was brutally raped by a lord at 12). Although the feelings for each other was obvious from early on, the characters struggled through as a marriage between a duke and someone of scandalous background was inconceivable. Therein lies the romance as they fell deeper and deeper for each other, and as one hurts and suffers heart ache over the injuries to the other, finally the thought of not being together would almost certainly have killed them even if they were physically alive.

I love the well paced character development especially for our hero Sterling. Even I felt myself learning and being humbled by Frannie, although I am reading a novel and fictional character. I especially loved the delicate vulnerablity to Sterling, who suffered from limited vision. How could anyone not love a vulnerable hero!? I am grateful for the wonderful epilogue, where the author kindly gave the deserving lover many many years together before Sterling lost his sight completely. The writing was amazing, that he lost sight only when they reached their gray ears, such that he would always remember his sweet love Frannie in her youthful beauty with flaming red hair. How much sweeter can you get?!

Verdict: Loved, LOVE, still LOVE this book! I think it is most definitely one of the most romantic book I have read to date, maybe even claiming the #1.

Would I want to buy and keep this book forever: YES YES YES

Would I read more books from this author: Definitely, beyond any doubt. This was my first book by Lorraine Heath, I am so thankful I discovered her and had the pleasure of reading this book.

Whew, and there we have it!

Now, let me get back to my current read! Then Came You by Lisa Kleypas. After a rather slow start, I can feel it as things are finally picking up with the hero (Alex, Earl of Raiford) and heroine (Lily Lawson) under the same roof. Heeheehee...

We are officially into 2012!

Sorry for having pulled a disappearing act, I'm finally back to blogging!

I went through what was a most wasteful, extremely sluggish final 2 weeks to end off 2011. But most of that negativity was reserved entirely for work wise. The non-work bits were all fun, filled with lotsa wonderful, luxurious, indulgent, reading as well as great catch-ups with friends, family and my bunny! ;> In any case 2011 is officially history, and we are into a brand new year!

My new year resolutions:

1. TIMELINESS - off and out with the lateness please!

2. DISCIPLINE

3. HAPPINESS

4. FAMILY & FRIENDS

5. THRIFTY... BE VERY THRIFTY!!

and very importantly - a new job, sil'vous plait! Wish me luck there!

And may I be blessed with the courage tomorrow to resign from ELIS please~ I need it! For myself!

In the midst of a fun 3-day stretch learning photoshop!

Hey hey... im somewhere in a corner of shenton way, learning Photoshop! Yup, finally I'm doing something about it. I'm literally at halfway point now, being 1.5day into the 3 day course. It's at Oaks Training, at Bestway in Tg Pagar. The instructor Ronnie, is a chilled but experienced man. He seems fairly a nice guy, but a little aloof during breaks. I guess that comes of being an instructor for long. And a certain gentleman's voice annoys me greatly, mr alan behind me. I cringe inwardly whenever I hear another "Ronnie ar..." in his funny chinese accented English. Sigh... Lucky he's not sitting beside me, although my current neighbour doesnt speak to me, I much prefer it this way. I am Madame Aloof myself too! haha

A weekend of easy christmas gatherings

I'm at Gardens@Bishan with Melvin's colleagues now! Linda organized a Xmas gathering cum housewarming at her house. Food is not too bad. But eh it's only 8.35pm, and really there's nothing much left to do Liao. Haha

Yesterday afternoon was dear Patrick's annual Xmas gathering at his place. It was a simple gathering. I met up with ex colleagues like Priscilla, Susan, Lionel, Chee Keong oops Jared, andrew, wilson, Nicolas and of course Patrick & his family. I realize in recent years that such once in a year Xmas gatherings are kinda heartwarming actually. Nice to have all your friends looking forward to such gatherings whenever it's Xmas!

Yesterday night I stayed over back at Bishan. Funny enough it felt abit like a stay-cation (new fashionable term for holiday by staying over in a local hotel in Singapore). But in a nice and fun way.

I also did more reading! I finished My Lord & Spymaster by Joanna Bourne, now in the midst of another book Dancing At Midnight by Julia Quinn. The first book was nice, Joanna Bourne is a consistently solid writer! I still think The Spymaster's Lady was better, somehow Sebastian (Captain Kennet) & Jess was nice but not as slick or written in such 细腻 detail as before. I think Jess is great, like that she's got such a great business mind and also a previous underworld runner. But somehow her movements didn't seem to achieve that skilled level as Fox Cub. Oh well but still a great book that's more than above average! Im still midway through Dancing at Midnight but so far so good. It's a classic historical, 100% romance book. Haha update u more on that later!

NTU job... no more!

Today I checked my email and received the sad news that my NTU position is gone-ed. No more! they picked someone else! boohoohoo

Is it I asked too high pay? Is it because I spoke too frankly to Dr Lim in the first interview? Is it because I am only available in Feb and their first meeting is expected in Jan?

Why why why? I am just totally crushed! :((

waiting..and waiting...and waiting (PAINFUL)

Sigh I am still waiting for that elusive call for second interview from NTU. It is beginning to seem that may not be coming after all!

Part of me is still hoping that the delay is not bad news, merely a result of the interviewer and middleman arranging this is away for vacation. Perhaps they might still call today? Tomorrow? Monday?

But the other part of me naturally, like Melvin & Geraldine, is beginning to think the call will never come. It's over, I am OUT!

Dear God, please not let the latter come true! I want this job so badly! Dear God, I need a sign, a direction, some hopes and basically a new job!!